Bad Animal Poetry: Tailed Primates

I always assumed that there were some animals that had it rougher than others when it comes to their sleeping cycles. But then there are some who just love hopping around during the day while listening to their favorite Imagine Dragons songs. Living their lives like they’re the ones who can cut in line with their headphones. While I’m on lunch break and this guy thinks he can cut in just for a soy latte. Pft, anyway here are this week’s guilty line cutters.

Slow Loris (Nycticebus)

By David Haring / Duke Lemur Center – email, CC BY-SA 3.0,

Why are your fingers orange Slow Loris,
Is that Cheeto dust I see on your finger,
You stay in all night playing Madden,
Where were you for dinner,
Your plate was getting cold,
No wonder you never update your Tinder.

Why doth your eyes linger on berries for an hour,
Is it because it is not inside a giant orange bag,
Our neighbors say you need a shower,
Too much time spent with the trees,
Or too much time spent in your Cheeto tower,
We worry about you Slow Loris.

Although maybe we are overthinking this,
Your GPA is through the roof,
Your eyes hold the truth,
Your existence makes our worries go poof,
We want what makes you feel happy,
Now let Mama Loris tend to her woof.

Ring-tailed Lemur (Lemur catta)

By David Dennis – originally posted to Flickr as Ringtailed Lemurs in Berenty, CC BY-SA 2.0,

Please give me back my Funyuns,
There are more uses to a tail than stealing my snack,
Why do you taunt me Ring-tailed Lemur,
I clearly won that game of blackjack,
Yes I should know better,
Than to play with an animal who can stack.

Your petty gambling life is wrapped around that tail,
That behavior is fed to your offspring,
Just like the Funyuns you stole from me,
You think you are king,
But clearly I have an advantage here,
Just like the wind in spring.

I know I am stuck on this peninsula,
With no way of getting out,
My revenge is everlasting,
I will have my final bout,
So I leave this letter to my daughter,
Knowing I went out with clout.

Aye-aye (Daubentonia madagascariensis)

By Frank Vassen – Flickr, CC BY 2.0,

Tell me how you feel Aye-aye,
Always reaching out with your claw,
How has the manuscript been going,
I know the premise has left me in awe,
Hopefully you haven’t had writers block,
Yes you can also eat your coleslaw.

What do you mean you only written five pages,
It has been a week Aye-aye,
I know it’s hard writing with long fingers,
But this discussion has left me with a sigh,
You must have at least something,
Otherwise why lie.

We cannot go through with this publishing deal,
Until you start putting in the work,
Yes I know your fingers are long,
But think of this meeting as a perk,
I know you can do better than five pages,
Please don’t look at your fingers with a smirk.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s