March Roundup! We Built This ‘SimCity’ On Unresponsive Server Connections!

March Roundup Cover

The monthly news roundup, is back! With a vengeance…and not starring Bruce Willis. Anyway this is going to be a long one folks since March was composed of not only some shenanigan-ary, but it also featured a good amount of premiere trailers or just previews in general. So be prepared folks, because this might take as long as Maxis trying to fix all the problems with SimCity, speaking of which…

In SimCity, Our DRM Issues Get Shipped To You! –

SimCity

If you thought Aliens: Colonial Marines had some launch problems, well it seems like Maxis wanted SimCity to be the newest holder of ‘day one/week one launch problems’.

You would think a game like SimCity would have the smallest issues to be concerned with when it came to the launch date, but once you add EA and ‘always-online’ functionality to the mix there’s only so much you could learn from the proving grounds before people start to get annoyed. Yes what separates this newest edition of SimCity from the others is the ‘always-online’ DRM proponent that EA has been harping on about having in a good majority of their games since not too long ago. Of course this wouldn’t be that big of an issue though if there was strong server support, unfortunately that wasn’t the case as Maxis was receiving constant complaints that the game would not upload to certain servers from the consumers. It’s gotten so bad that even EA had to offer free games for those who bought it! Of course things started to settle down, and now the servers are acting responsive…several weeks after.

Of course this just comes to show that you never let Sims help build your city or write the instructions in ‘simlish’.

Assassins Creed 4: Black Flag, Or How I learned To Hate The Shit Out Of Whales –

You better make sure that the pirate life is right for you, because Black Flag ain’t fucking around. Especially when even Black Beard himself had the ‘scurvy’ scared out of him.

In the latest entry for the Assassins Creed series, we follow a dude named Edward Kenway. A swashbuckling pirate who goes on adventures, collecting treasures, making love to women, and possibly burning down villages and orphanages (I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that last part is semi-true). What makes Black Flag even more interesting is that it seems to be expanding the naval combat part of AC 3 by giving you more options to do, like collecting treasure and engaging in more elaborate ship-to-ship combat (basically from what I heard, mixing elements of Red Dead Redemption and Wind Waker into this game here). The game is set to be released in the fall, and is coming out on PS4 as well.

And another thing to remember, whales are your worst enemy.

Phantom Pain is MGS 5, Also Appears To Be Sequel To Surgeon Simulator

Oh wow, who didn’t see this coming?! It’s not like Kojima is known for his crazy hi-jinks and other stuff that involves Raiden doing naked cartwheels.

So here’s the trailer reveal for MGS 5, and to be completely honest I have no idea what’s going on. All I know is that Snake (or ‘Big Boss’ apparently) is in a hospital with some other guy, helicopters are busting it down, and there’s other MGS references in there as well. At least that’s what I’m assuming, anyway the trailer is actually nicely put together so why not check it out? Though if you’re expecting naked Raiden, be prepared for disappointment.

Hide Yo’ Purses And Goodies, Thief Is Back! –

It seems this new generation is bringing back some old favorites, but in the best way possible.

This time I’m specifically talking about the reboot for the critically acclaimed series, Thief. In the latest April issue for Gameinformer (you can also read up more on the game here as well), the game is confirmed to be released for next-gen systems (PS4 specifically). The game once again follows Garrett, a thief looking to steal yo’ shit in a Gothic industrial metropolis that is known as only ‘The City’. Don’t expect any killing in this one though, for the goal here seems to just steal as many prized possessions while trying to not get caught. I’m personally ecstatic for this, since I was always fascinated with the premise of the Thief series, but never got a chance to check it out until now.

Man Square Enix is on a roll right now, hope nothing bad happens!

Square Enix Says: Tomb Raider 2013 Sold The Highest In Series, That Means It’s Time For Layoffs! –

Tomb Raider (3)

Because the term ‘dick move’ is such a commodity for Square Enix, they decided to lay off not only a good amount of people working over at Los Angeles, but apparently forcing Yoichi Wada to step down as well. What was the cause of this you ask? Good question, apparently the cause was not only the ‘supposed’ poor sales for Sleeping Dogs and Hitman Absolution, but apparently the main reason, and this is the kicker right here, is because Tomb Raider didn’t sell as well as Square Enix expected (even though it seemed like they were setting up ridiculously high expectations from the get-go). Should probably point out here that the game had not only the biggest debut when it launched that week, but what was one of the biggest financial draws for this year and for this series.

Square Enix also made another comment saying that Lara should have worn a pink wig, had a large sword, and spouted convoluted dialogue while fighting giant evil chickens.

Saints Row 4, Now You’re Just Being Silly –

If the Saints Row series had a tradition, it would be to out-crazy the previous one before it.

In Saints Row 4 your character is now president of the United States, and will be combating against – alright, does it even matter? No it doesn’t, because the main thing to take away from this trailer is that you will now be using superpowers! And to top it off, more customization options and insane weapons like the Inflate-O-Ray and the Dubstep Gun are at your disposal! Challenges are back with a new ranking system, and the color purple is even more in your face! This looks like it will be continuing that trend of insanity that the last one left off on, so for those who love that sort of thing, this seems to be right up your alley.

Another thing that may be up your alley as well if you like this series is dumpsters filled with leftover plastic bags of cocaine and some guy in a jacket selling rufies.

Immigrant Proves He Is U.S. Resident Through Xbox Live, Also Seems To Really Love Playing Bejeweled

Xbox Live

Have you ever known that guy who just had a bad streak of luck with certain law officials, until a miracle happened through unforeseen circumstances? Well of course not, don’t get any hopes up that you can bail your buddy out of jail! What we have right here is a rare incident; Jose Munoz was born in the U.S. illegally 25 years ago. And just recently he was in the middle of quite a pickle, until he proved that he was part of ‘The Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals’ through Xbox Live records. Thus Jose was able to then live his life in peace and comfort, though it does suck that the judge recommended him ‘Call of Juarez: The Cartel‘.

Ken Levine Removes Hope Of Bioshock Movie Happening, For Better Or For Better –

Ken Levine

Hey, remember that one time where Gore Verbinski was attached to do the Bioshock movie and that never happened? Hey, remember the last time you heard about anything regarding the Bioshock movie?

Well folks, it’s time to remove your expectations for this one because Ken Levine, the main man working over at Irrational Games, has declared the Bioshock movie to be dead! The trouble started as soon as the studio had funding issues, Gore Verbinski on the other hand fought hard to maintain the spirit of the game by not only making it rated ‘R’, but by having to develop fully fleshed out sets for the movie. The two butted heads with each other, and eventually Verbinski left, making Ken Levine the man to make a decision: keep going or stop this shit now. He chose to stop this shit now, and rightfully so in my opinion.

The only people I feel bad for though, are all those unemployed Big Daddies who have to tell their families that supper will now be consisted of anchovies and a jar of peanuts.

That’s it for this edition, if you have any suggestions or comments post them below. Tell your friends about Brutlounge, also I will be attempting to finish the final ‘Console Retrospective’ piece soon along with the upcoming reviews for ‘InJustice’ and ‘Dead Island: Riptide’. Thanks for reading, and remember to keep leveling up your class.

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